It's autumn, the season of mists, mellow fruitfulness and disputes with energy companies over the size of the bills they send us. As here – at Ink Sweat Towers – we are currently engaged in a frank exchange of views with the muppets who supply our electricity supply and have spent many hours listening to muzak on their voicemail systems, we had to publish this piece...
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* Jonathan Pinnock is married with two children and a 1961 Ami Continental jukebox. His fiction has won several prizes, shortlistings and longlistings, and he has been published in such diverse publications as Smokebox, Every Day Fiction and Necrotic Tissue. His imaginatively-titled
website can be found at www.jonathanpinnock.com
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Jonathan Pinnock would like to complain
Comments
Re: Jonathan Pinnock would like to complain
Super Piece!
I laughed muchly Re: Re: Jonathan Pinnock would like to complain
by
Jonathan Pinnock
on Mon 15 Sep 2008 12:36 PM BST | Permanent Link
Thanks!
Re: Jonathan Pinnock would like to complain
by
Anonymous
on Thu 25 Sep 2008 12:26 PM BST | Permanent Link
Brilliant!!!
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