I am Cabbage, hear me roar

(for Jan)

Vegetarians are a funny lot

and vegans are even funnier.

(try asking a vegan while cooking lunch

if they want their poached eggs runnier.)

Lots of genuine people, I know,

embrace a meatless life,

not for them thick Angus steaks,

no blood upon their knife.

I respect the vego's attitude

for is this world not free?

But never to taste a rare roast beef –

well, that's just not for me.

The vego, though, is a curious beast,

no meat, no fish no chicken.

Yet on their feet are leather shoes,

now that sure takes some lickin'!

And ponder this, you vego folks,

as you chop your parsnip fine,

this plant was once a living thing,

like the grapes that made your wine.

You wrench a carrot from the earth,

snip off a bowl of beans,

you take your secateurs and slit

the throats of helpless greens.

You tear the unborn children from

the peapod where they're living,

with no consideration for their health,

yet they are so forgiving.

Oh, bear a thought, you vego folk

for the plants you daily slaughter –

one day a cabbage may rebel,

then your bowels will turn to water.

* John Irvine is a regular IS&T contributor – see yesterday's news round-up for information about his latest collection.